The days ahead would be the most difficult I would ever face. This was my second divorce and I knew it was time to put the brakes on. What am I doing wrong? I’ve managed to marry two men with the same problems.
I told God that He had my undivided attention. You know, sometimes we pray asking God for particular things and we are completely blind-sided by His response. Here I was, thinking God was about to speak to me about THEM, but in reality; He wanted to deal with ME.
ME!!!! What’s wrong with me? I was a devoted, loving, committed wife. I took care of my husband for years as he endured several illnesses. I put myself on hold, dismissing my needs because his were more pressing. I had no sick time left when I was ill because it was always used on him. He often thanked me for sticking by him because he said, “Anyone else would have BEEN gone.”
God had another plan. He reminded me that HE has always had a plan for my life and that plan had not been fully realized because I did not know who I was.
I told God, “No more relationships. I want to see what Your plan was in the first place- before I went astray.”
I found out about a Biblical Ministry at a local church called “Divorce Care”. I signed up. I needed to face MYSELF. I needed to find out who Cathy really is and what needs to change in my life so that I stop repeating the same mistakes.
My prayers changed. I began asking God to show me MYSELF. I asked Him to show me how I contributed to the break up of my marriage. I asked Him to reveal areas of weakness in my character. I also gave Him permission to do what He wanted with my LIFE! I abandoned the driver’s seat. It had not served me well.
Matthew 7:7-8 (TLB) – Ask, you will be given what you ask for. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Anyone who seeks, finds. (Bible gateway.com).
My testimony today is that God did indeed answer my prayer requests. The answers began to manifest as I made time alone with God my PRIORITY. I would not ALLOW myself to be distracted. I continue this practice today, almost 7 years later. No other person could give me the answers I sought.
My shattered life was the Clarion call to NEW life, NEW relationship with my Creator, AND…the time I would learn more about MYSELF than I have ever known.
Maybe you’re in a bad place right now or you’re still reeling from the explosion of your marriage. I have counsel for you. Don’t seek another romantic relationship. You’re broken (emotionally damaged). Another relationship will only “mask” your wounds. Allow your wounds to be exposed so they can heal. If you had major surgery, you’d allow sufficient TIME for recovery. Do the same for your HEART. Don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. It’s healthy for you to tell others, “Today is not a good day.” Those that love you will understand and offer support.
Talk to God. Even if you never have before. He made you – He’s the Manufacturer and NO ONE knows His creation better than Him.